Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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