youre lurking in front of me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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