There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
