Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
