She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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