so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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