I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
