i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
