So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
