Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
