God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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