Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
