I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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