my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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