so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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