bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
