Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
