Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
