I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
