I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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