final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
