So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
