Umm I'm too high to move.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
