last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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