Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize