P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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