Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
