your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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