I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
