My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
