I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
