She is in my trunk
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize