All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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