I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
