well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
