I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
