Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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