I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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