Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
