i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
