Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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