I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
