I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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