I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
