I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she woke up with a sticky ear
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
