??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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