After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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