when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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