I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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