Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
