Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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