I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
