Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i out mim tonsoeep
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