and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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