I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
