im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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