Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
