I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
