At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
