As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
