at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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