so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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