Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
